Brie and Roasted Vegetable Tart

No I didn't roast a mini skirt wearer - I made a pastry tart! And it was BEYOND fabulous. Here is how...

Ingredients:

1 x Courgette, sliced

2 x Peppers, diced into chunks (I picked yellow and red)

10 x Cherry tomatoes

1 x Red and white onions

50g Spinach

100g Brie

200g Plain flour

75g White vegetable fat

50g Cheddar cheese

1 x Egg, beaten

Step 1. We roast the veggies first so make them all chunky and bohemian-esk and mix them all up into a roasting dish. Have the oven pre-heated to 200 C and cover - not drown - them in a bit of nice olive oil. Sprinkle some salt and pepper on to taste and stick them in the oven. Clear some room.. the pastry is a comin'!

Step 2. PASTRY! God I love pastry.. Anyway. If you have a blender then wonderful. I am jealous of you.. I used a fork and a litre of sweat. Blend together the flour, a pinch of salt, the fat and the cheese. Once thoroughly mixed together, add 3 tablespoons of the egg you have pre beaten (poor egg, what did it do to you) and add some cold water. I put in about a tumbler glass worth steadily and not all at once. What you are aiming for is a smooth as you can get dough that isn't sticky. Once done, take it out of the blender and knead it gently for a few minutes. Wrap some cling film around it and chuck it into the fridge for 15 minutes. Go and stir the veg around.

Step 3. Take out your veg and pastry at the same time, being careful not to drool into either. Put down some more plain flour and unwrap your dough onto it. Putting a bit of flour into each of the wet sticky bits, roll out the dough until it fits your baking tray with enough to flap over the sides. With the left over beaten egg, bush the rolled out ready dough with it and then fill in the middle of the baking tray with the veg. Permission to now go nuts with the brie. Do it lavishly. Stick it everywhere! 

Step 4. Turn the sides of the tart up to make a brie and roasted vegetable nest. Return the glorious concoction to the oven and give it 25 minutes. Go back every 5 minutes to watch it rise and when the buzzer buzzes or the dinger dings, take it out and go and show the neighbours. And then enjoy it alone.. in a dark room.. alone.. kali orexi!

Pizza Rowlandez

A lavishly, gorgeously rich pizza that took 10 minutes to make and 10 minutes to cook. Knowing what ingredients are going on and in the pizza makes it worth while. This recipe makes 2 pizzas.

Ingredients:

1 x 2 pack of pizza bases

1 x Red onion

1 x Red pepper

1 x Slice of goats cheese

1 x Bag of spinach

1 x Jar of tomato pizza sauce

1 x Pack of tikka chicken strips

Step 1. Make sure the pizza bases are defrosted if they were in the freezer. Nothing worse than a soggy pizza coming out of the oven! I start by slicing the onion, pepper and spinach. I make the spinach quite thin and the onion I cut into rings. Now I like my peppers chunky so that's what I did but you do them how you fancy.

  

Step 2. Layer on a relatively thick spread of the pizza tomato sauce onto the bases. I LOVE a tomato pizza so I actually added some tomato paste - of course you could use sundried tomatos or something. I like how strong the pastes can taste.

Step 3. Apply the toppings! Spinach first sprinkled all over the base, then red onions, then peppers. At this point its time to apply the goats cheese. Split the pack into two so you have even amounts for the two bases and with your fingers (because its more fun and you can lick them afterwards) tear off globs of it and dot them all around, nice and spread out and ideally into sections where you might cut up a slice. You want at least one glob on each slice. Then liberally apply your chicken! I like mine symetrically applied like a star.. but I do have OCD. Next grate some harder cheese on - I used lactofree because otherwise I would explode and die.  

Step 4. OVEN! If you are making two at the same time then I would say put them in for 7 minutes, then rotate for another 7 minutes. They should come out beautiful and toasty. And it WILL be the best pizza you have ever eaten. SO GOOD! Buon Appetito!

Mexican Chicken Lasagna

Good evening all, what did you have for tea? I had a Mexican Chicken Lasagna and it was AMAZINNGGG!!!

Forgot to do a pre-open shot

Ingredients:
3 x Skinless chicken breasts
1 x Discovery Fajita sauce
1 x Soured cream (small pot from Tesco)
1 x Tesco's own guacamole
2 x Torilla wraps
1 x Bag of corn chips
1 x Bag of mixed peppers
1 x White and Red onions
2 Tablespoons of tomato paste
1 x Lactofree cheese
3 Tablespoon of sweet chili sauce

Step 1. Dice that chicken! I did mine into nice big but thinnish slices so they sat like layers and not massive chunks. Chuck it in an already hot and oiled pan and flip it until all sides are nice and white and starting to brown up. You have time to do the onions whilst it's cooking - the pan should be on full heat by the way.

Step 2. Once the onions have been nicely chopped, again nice and thinly so they will lie easily in a relaxed lasagna like way, pour them over the chicken and turn the heat down a wee bit because you don't want the onions to cook too quickly - it also gives you time to chop the peppers whilst they sweat away. Make sure the peppers are cut straight like the chicken and stick them in when they're done. The heat can go right back up now - cook everything and mix everything nicely for around 4 minutes. 

Step 3. Squeeze in some tomato paste and give it a stir. For me, the tomato paste is as much as you want really. I only really use it because it makes the dry fajita mix stick better. Once that's done, pour on the dry fajita mix you get with Discovery and the sauce making sure everything in the pan is covered. Then add sweet chili - I have suggested 3 tablespoons but if you to add more go for it! 

Step 4. Your pan should look like the picture to the left! AMAZING. It will also smell of actual Mexican heaven - I wish I had been wearing my sombrero. Sigh. Anyway! The next important step is put this to one side and find the tortilla wraps and grab a deep dish bowl or, as I used and find extremely effective, a very deep cake tin. Put your tortilla in the bottom and smooth it out against the sides if it reaches them. Get the soured cream and the guacamole and start splodging it in. It doesn't have to be too much at this stage, just a few blobs on each in the middle and then spread with a knife. Take pride in what you have started, for this friends, this is the base of a mouthgasm.

Step 5. Is all about layering. Once you have stopped grinning as your first ever Mexican lasagna base, spoon/ladle/scoop with hands some of the chiken fajita, making sure the tortilla is covered and patted down.

OH the HUMANITY!!

Ooooooooh... Ooooohhh

Step 6. Open the bag of corn chips. Sprinkle them with love and form a pretty and even layer of them on top of your chicken. Then add another tortilla and RELISH in the pleasure of applying your second layer.. because it only gets good from here. Do exactly what you did in step 4 and 5. Then when the chicken is on, take that bag of corn chips back off the greedy husband/wife/passing rouge and throw all caution to the wind. Throw on those chips with a recklessness not seen in a kitchen since Jesus turned water into wine (seriously what was Des going to go about getting everyone home if there was no water left?? Careless disregard). Once satisfied and almost out of breath from your daring corn chip escapade, relocate what is left of the soured cream and guacamole and sploge until there is no more splodge to make. And then... to dramatic music you have on your iPod ready and waiting, grate... the... CHEESE.

Step 7. Oven. 180 degrees C already pre-heated. And take a seat. Make sure Corrie or Stenders or Emmerdale isn't on when you're doing this because you don't want to miss watching the tips of the corn chips (ooh rhyming) browning, the cheese bubbling or the lovingly blobbed on blobs of sourced cream and guacamole melt into the craggy gaps into the steaming fajita medley underneath. Watch for 15 minutes.. with a bib.

Step 8. Release the beast. Take a spatula and a sharp knife and delve. Wait for no one and nothing. And for the love of Allah, enjoy it! Or as the Spanish would say - disfrutar!